you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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