I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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