the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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