Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
