I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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