I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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