Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
