On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
