He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
