Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
