Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
