I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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