drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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