Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
