Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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