I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
