I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
