You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
