i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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