Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
