Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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