I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
