How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
