Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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