UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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