There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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