Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
