dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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