why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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