Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
should my penis look like a turkey
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
