I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
