Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
