You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My ass is underappreciated
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
