Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
