his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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