Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You made out with two different species that night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize