New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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