Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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