The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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