dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
