She said her name was "party"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
