I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
