Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
