yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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