im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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