made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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