Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
