Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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