i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
