the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
