Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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