My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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