Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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