Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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