This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
