btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
