I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
