there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
