so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
