She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
