Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
