its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
