I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
