so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
