By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
