Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
