Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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