Non-Jews are for practice
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
