Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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