I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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