You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
