Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
